3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
