im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
