Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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