9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
