she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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