The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
