also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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