you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
