I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
