Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
