i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
