I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
