my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
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