Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
