I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
