New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Randomize
