All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
