sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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