The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
