drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
