Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
