last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
