That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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