i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
