Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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