He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
