you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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