and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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