So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
