Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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