Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
