if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
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