So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
