just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
