Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
