Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Randomize
