i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
