I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
