i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
