So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
