I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
