If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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