Your tits are I can't wait for
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
