I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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