careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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