so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Well I just put wine in my tea
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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