i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
even my farts smell like vagina
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
