im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Small penises have feelings too.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
