Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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