I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
