the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
